We've all been there, that moment when you choose to go through the supermarket checkout with all the chocolate and lollies. Noooo!! Your child begins a tantrum, and the tug of war between you begins. If you buy that Kinder Surprise, everything will be good in the world. It's so easy: get the Kinder Surprise, and she will stop engaging in this embarrassing performance. Kinder Surprise was delivered, and the performance ended.
Oh lordy!!! It does seem so much easier to hand over that Kinder Surprise, but at that moment, we're not thinking about the long-term consequence of what we're doing. Your child is learning that to get a Kinder Surprise is to scream at the checkout, and it will be delivered. Then further down the road, they realise - "hey, this works for the Kinder Surprise, what about getting my way when I want something at home? Woohoo, I'm onto something here!!!". One smart cookie learns the most efficient means to get what it wants.
We can identify where this all fell apart if we take a few steps back in the checkout scenario. At that moment, we decided to go through the checkout with the chocolates and lollies. That was our trigger! Damn, those supermarkets!!! They need a separate windowless locked room where all tempting treats are kept! As a side note, I have noticed there are some designated lolly, chocolate, treat-free checkouts now; however, in this scenario, you didn't have a choice - 6 people were waiting at the lolly-free checkout, and you needed to get home for the washing machine repair man. So what can you do?? 'Antecedent control strategies' are prevention tools we can utilise prior to a problem's behaviour occurring. Here are a few tips:
Firstly, think out your response plan well before you reach the supermarket. When we're not prepared, we tend to cave in to the demand.
Go after mealtimes to ensure your child has a full stomach. I know when I'm at the supermarket with a rumbling stomach, I want and buy a lot of junk I don't need!
Role-play the appropriate behaviours with your child. Play supermarkets at home together and model what you expect from them. It's fun reversing the roles.
Before you get out of the car, begin the chat. I call it 'planting the seed'. You could also have a chat before leaving home. Explain calmly what you will be doing and what your expected behaviours are. Use the 'First and Then' procedure - "First, we'll go into the supermarket and buy a few things, and then we'll have ice cream next door/walk across to the park. It's a great idea to have your child involved in the process of choosing a reinforcer for the appropriate behaviours you want to see.
Ignore the nagging behaviours that lead to giving in. I know, I know, that's sometimes easier said than done!
As soon as the nagging starts, redirect to something else. For example, "I need you to get me...." or "Hand me the....."
Praise all the appropriate behaviours as your child is doing them. When delivering positive praise, always name the behaviour. Examples of linking, praising, and naming are: "I love how well you're walking next to me/holding my hand," "Thank you so much for all your help," and "Fantastic job pushing the trolley for me." Deliver praise immediately, on the spot, right there. It's important not to leave praise until you get home or hours afterwards.
Finally, when you initially try behaviour strategies, don't be too hard on yourself if things don't go according to plan. Behaviour change doesn't happen overnight. Taking smaller steps is just as effective, or sometimes more effective, at changing behaviours. The intention is to achieve brighter outcomes and build a more successful and harmonious relationship between you and your child.