"Small beginnings can shape our own behaviour in new directions"
(Sidman, 1989, p.513).
Lately, I've been reading a few books and articles about the effects of using coercion with children. So, what is 'coercion', I hear you ask? Coercion is an action or practice where force or threats persuade someone to do something. It exists amongst our many daily interactions and experiences and, at times, can be helpful. We frequently encounter rules and laws throughout our day. School rules, road rules, regulations about freedom, our education, and public safety are necessary to keep us protected and out of harm's way.
Why do we use coercion with children?
Coercion is an easy fix to remove unwanted behaviour. Often used when a child is engaging in challenging behaviour, the adults involved want it to disappear as quickly as possible. I won't deny that, at times, it can work; however, there are long-term negative consequences we need to consider when we do use it. To demonstrate how we use coercion with children, I will share an example from an interaction I recently observed between a parent and their child.
I was wandering through a department store, and a mother was trying to browse the women's clothing with her two young children in tow. As young children often do when shopping for mum, they run around being loud and disruptive. Then, one of them bumped into me. A rapid response was delivered in the form of a raised voice from the mother to the little girl - "If you don't stop doing that, I'm going to take your new dress back to the shop!". Now, can you guess what happened next?? Yes, that's right, the little girl stopped running and shouting. I bet you think, "Well, it solved the problem!". Please keep reading 🙏
I'm sure many of us are familiar with a teacher who uses coercion to manage behaviours in the classroom. It is a standard control practice and commonly used as part of classroom behaviour management strategies. The dialogue typically goes like this - "get this work done or you'll stay in at lunch", "If you don't behave, you're not going to camp!!" or "If you don't sit and concentrate, you'll be getting a D on your report card!". Ouch!! As an adult, I know how some of those threats would make me feel!!
Now, I have to pause here a minute and speak to defend teachers. Those threats are a quick remedy that can prevent potential problems from escalating when you're in charge of 25 to 30 students. Coercion will be your go-to if you don't possess any more effective practices. Furthermore, many teachers lack the knowledge and skills to manage student behaviour and implement effective classroom strategies appropriately. Classroom behaviour management is not given the same amount of attention in university teaching courses as the curriculum. It is with great hope that I long for a welcome change whereby universities provide adequate skills and knowledge that will prepare pre-service teachers to deliver classroom behaviour management practices effectively. I strongly recommend Glen Latham's 'Behind the Schoolhouse Door: Eight Skills Every Teacher Should Have' for those interested. Although written in 1997, it is still highly relevant to today's classrooms.
Why isn't helpful coercion to use?
Put simply, coercion is a form of punishment that generates long-term effects for all involved. It is reinforcing for those using it and punishing those receiving it. We know that a threat worked and has reinforced our behaviour, so we're more likely to increase our threat levels in the future. For children on the receiving end - it develops into a learned response for future interactions. When we use coercion with children, they understand that this is an effective way to get someone to do something. And the cycle continues.
Threats are also not practical because they create a punishing environment steeped in endless bouts of everyone involved feeling horrible. I'm guilty of using coercion at times and know that afterwards, I feel awful about basically threatening my child into decreasing a behaviour. No one comes out of a coercive interaction feeling great.
Coercion delivers a short-term solution to a current problem while providing no long-term effectiveness. It may be a quick fix to reduce annoying behaviour; however, overuse can cause the development of learned anti-social behaviours. When a child experiences this type of interaction repeatedly, they are more likely to engage in those same behaviours themselves. In his book 'Coercion and its Fallout', Sidman (2001) describes how 'children of excessively coercive parents will, in turn, learn excessive forms of counter-control'. Counter-control occurs as a response to coercion – if we can't escape or avoid it, we will fight back. This fighting back could be in the form of anger or aggression, and, as parents and educators, that is an unproductive place we want to avoid as much as possible.
Our goal as adults is to ensure that we promote and encourage prosocial behaviour and instil security, self-confidence, and emotional well-being in our children (Biglan, 2015; Sidman, 2001). Armed with a repertoire of prosocial behaviours, children have the opportunity to develop into loving, kind, respectful, and resilient human beings.
What should I use instead of coercion?
Sidman (2001) suggests that we use coercion because it is easy and effective in the short term and because we haven't experienced any other practical alternatives.
So, how do we influence behaviour non-coercively? Deliver heaps of positive reinforcement to encourage the behaviours you want to see more of. The beauty of positive reinforcement is that we avoid coercion's common side effects, which is a good thing! The focus should be on the positive and reinforcing the behaviours we want to see more often.
Please remember that we're missing those moments while throwing the threats about and putting out the behaviour fires. These are critical times when a child has done something well, made the right choice or perhaps just made us smile, and we have let that opportunity go by without recognising the positive action at that moment. These moments can be small and brief, but they are essential for reinforcing and nurturing positive behaviours. In 'those moments', we need to be with our children and take action. Tell them what they have done well and provide praise, a thank you, or a hug; tell them how proud you are. It could be tiny little actions, but you must find 'those moments' because they provide valuable opportunities for positive interactions between you and your child.
Some examples of 'those moments' could be when your child:
Says please or thank you
Wipes their feet at the door
Picks up a toy
Closes or shuts a door
Says excuse me
Wait while you're talking
Speaks in a quiet voice when needed
Sits at the dinner table appropriately for a few minutes!
As parents, though it may seem like coercion is the only option at times, don't feel defeated if a bit of coercion jumps in here and there. That's okay. Remember not to be hard on yourself. As long as your child's environment is rich in positive reinforcement, the child will view the occasional lapse as "less of a shock than as a signal that a reasonable boundary has been overstepped" (Sidman, 2001, p.501). Remember, when you're parenting, those boundaries are a good thing!
Okay, okay, I do admit this blog is a form of coercion! Yes, I am telling you what will happen if we don't stop using excessive forms of coercion with children. I'm guilty!! However, this is an important issue requiring greater awareness about how we can influence children's prosocial behaviours.
Finally, please be assured that I couldn't agree more that parenting is a tremendously stressful and emotionally draining job. The quick fix can be very appealing at that moment in time. No one does everything right, and we all have many parenting failures. However, we can make small changes in how we interact with our children and manage problematic behaviours. These positive changes go a long way towards creating more significant, nurturing and fulfilling relationships with our children and everyone we interact with throughout our day!
References:
Biglan, A. (2015). The Nurture Effect. Oakland: New Harbinger Publications.
Latham, G. (1997). Behind the Schoolhouse Door: Eight Skills Every Teacher Should Have. New York: Sloan Publishing.
Sidman, M. (2001). Coercion and its fallout. Boston, Mass.: Authors Cooperative, Inc., Publishers.