
"Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about and the hardest thing to do"
Hey, are you feeling bombarded from all sides about your parenting skills? The life of a parent isn't always pretty, in fact it can be downright awful at times. Some days, you feel like you've fallen down a massive hole and are struggling to reach the top. You're not alone, and it's okay to feel that way sometimes. To add to our daily struggles as parents, we must cope with the "well-meaning" family and friends who share their opinions and experiences of parenting. Everyone has an opinion! These days, it is even worse for new parents as a deluge of parenting advice is now being delivered to us via the internet. Yikes, our parenting skills are not just questioned by others; we're constantly critiquing ourselves! You feel yourself slipping a bit lower into that hole.
How do we avoid all this scrutiny and advice? Firstly, when you're having one of those bad days, don't venture anywhere near an electronic device!! It will only confirm your worst thoughts, and that isn't helpful. Grab a cup of tea and sit down, even if it's just for 5 minutes. It's ok if the thoughts of 'what a bad parent you think you are' creep in; just see them for what they are - just thoughts. Thoughts don't define who you are. Accept that they will often creep in and out, recognise them, but don't become attached. Focus on the moment you're in. You can do it! Just sit there and maybe listen to the wind blowing outside. Feel the warmth of the cup, your arms resting on the table. Here come those crummy thoughts about your parenting skills again!!! Accept their intrusion and move them along. Now that you're back focussing on yourself, think about your values.
What this means is reflecting on what is important and meaningful to you. Is it your family (even if they're driving you crazy!), is there the need for some time for yourself, or is it someone to talk to? It can be one value or more - entirely up to you. Next, think about actions you can take to commit to the most important values. Find something you and your family love to do together - the park, a picnic, a sit-down family meal, ice cream, backyard cricket, and watching a favourite movie together. Invite a friend over (one who doesn't have an opinion about your parenting!) for a cold or hot beverage. Some of us value having a friend who listens and does not judge.
The difficult moments will always be there in our lives. The key is to acknowledge and accept those moments and then focus on what you value most. It takes practice. Just remember, you can be an awesome parent and also forget to pick your kids up from school!!